A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
