Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
