Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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