I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
