Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just gift wrapped bread.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
