weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
