i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
