So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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