Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
