Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
