Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
