i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize