I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize