i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
