Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
