apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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