So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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