i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
