you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
