dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
