You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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