Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
