I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
My life is pants optional.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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