We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
