I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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