Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
