Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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