Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Randomize
