it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
