I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
