how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
