I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to make out with him forever
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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