R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
