I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
