You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
