Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
