i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
