The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
