my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
