If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
