Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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