im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
