Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
