Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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