it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
