Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
