she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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