he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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