Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Randomize
