His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
