She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
