Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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