we're blogging at a bar
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
