is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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