do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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