just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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