Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
