So drunk its hurt
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
