Yo dont text me then not text me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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