This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
