this beer tastes like vomit already
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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