So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Randomize
