They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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