She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
